Coercive control

About coercive control

Coercive control is when a person hurts, scares or isolates another person to control them. Abusive behaviours can seem minor on their own, but together they form a pattern of abuse. It can feel like being caught in a web.

Signs of coercive control can include someone:

• controlling who a person sees, what they wear and where they go
• monitoring or tracking what a person does
• controlling a person's finances, medicine, food or exercise
• always criticising or blaming a person, so they doubt themselves and their experiences
• forcing someone to have sex or do sexual things
• stopping a person from doing religious or cultural things like eating special food, going to church or praying
• threatening a person, their children, family or friends
• causing problems with co-parenting plans or child support payments after a relationship break up or divorce.

People who experience coercive control may feel like they're walking on eggshells. It may feel hard to disagree or say no to the other person. They may not know they are being abused.

This can be for several reasons. They may not realise that family and domestic abuse isn’t always physical violence.

They may think the abusive behaviour is a normal part of a relationship especially if:

• friends don't say or do anything to stop it
• family members say or do nothing.

The person who uses coercive control may even:

• trick a person into doubting their own experiences
• blame them for the abuse.