When someone is dying

This information is provided to assist people who are caring for a person at the end of life.

Getting help

Caring for a person who is at end of life can be very rewarding. It may also be challenging. You might need additional support from your family, friends or professionals to help you get through this time.

You can find information on support available to carers on the Palliative Care Australia website.

What to expect

The dying process is unique to every person. It is impossible to predict exactly how and when someone will die. However, we do know a number of changes that are likely to happen as death approaches.

It can help to know about these changes which may assist with decisions you make at this time.

Medicine and treatment

Doctors and nurses may change or stop some things that are no longer helpful, like temperature and blood pressure checks. They will keep checking to make sure that your family member or friend is as comfortable and pain free as possible. Medicines may be adjusted, including changing from tablets or liquids to injections.

Changes in alertness

As your family member/friend becomes sleepier they may not be able to respond. You may wish to continue touching and talking to them, sharing memories and news of family and friends or reading to them. Simply being with them can be supportive.

Reduced need for food and drink

As their body shuts down, as a natural part of the dying process they will not want or need food and drink. Sips of fluid, sucking on ice chips or moistening their mouth for comfort may be all they need. You might like to help with this.

Restlessness and confusion

You may notice your family member or friend pull at bedclothes, try to get out of bed, share muddled thoughts or cry out unexpectedly. Seeing this can be challenging. They may be soothed by playing their favourite music or by having you talk in a calm quiet way.

Skin

It is normal for skin to change towards the last days of life. It may feel cool or clammy when you touch it. The colour may become pale, appear blotchy or have a bluish/yellow tinge. The health care team may wash your family member or friend while they are in bed, or turn them to avoid pressure injuries.

Breathing

It is very common for breathing patterns to change at this time. Breathing may become loud and fast or there may be gaps of several seconds between each breath. You may hear gurgling which is due to the muscles in the throat becoming weaker.

These changes can be upsetting, but it is normal and does not necessarily mean that your family member/friend is uncomfortable. If you are concerned, you can let the health care team know.

Bowels

Sometimes an enema can help with emptying the bowels if your family member or friend has not opened their bowels and seems uncomfortable.

Incontinence

Most people lose the ability to control their bowels and bladder as they are dying. Their urine can become concentrated as their kidneys begin to shut down. The healthcare team may put a tube into their bladder to remove urine and keep your family member/friend clean and dry.

Emotional and spiritual needs

Anticipating the loss of someone you love can be difficult and you may have feelings that are unfamiliar and distressing. It can help to talk about these feelings. The healthcare team can arrange for a social worker, Aboriginal Liaison Officer or spiritual carer to support you.

A social worker or Aboriginal liaison officer can also assist with practical needs such as funeral arrangements.

Senses

We know that people still can hear and feel touch at the end of life. It is okay to hold their hand, stroke their arm and tell them that you will miss them, love them, and remember them.

Having memories of your family member or friend can help after they have died. You can ask the health care team for information about memory making ideas such as thumbprints and taking locks of hair.

More information

Download Comfort care in the last days: Information for family and friends [PDF 2.2MB].

This information has been adapted from the 2017 Victorian End of Life Care Coordinating Program booklet for family and friends.