When someone is dying
Caring for a person who is at the end of their life can be very rewarding. It may also be tough. You may need more support from your family, friends or professionals to help you get through this time.
You can find information about support available to carers at Palliative Care ACT.
What to expect
The dying process is unique to every person. It’s impossible to predict exactly how and when someone will die. However, we do know a few changes that are likely to happen as death approaches.
It can help to know about these changes. It may help you make decisions at this time.
Changes to medicine and treatment
Doctors and nurses may change or stop some things that are no longer helpful. This can include temperature and blood pressure checks. They will keep checking to make sure that your family member or friend is as comfortable and pain-free as possible. They may adjust medicines, including changing from tablets or liquids to injections.
Reduced alertness
As your family member or friend becomes sleepier, they may stop responding. You may wish to:
- continue touching and talking to them
- share memories and news of family and friends
- read to them.
Simply being with them can be supportive.
Less need for food and drink
Your family member or friend will likely not want or need food and drink. It’s a natural part of the dying process as their body shuts down. They may only need sips of fluid, sucking on ice chips or moistening their mouth for comfort. You may like to help with this.
Restlessness and confusion
You may notice your family member or friend pull at bedclothes, try to get out of bed, share muddled thoughts or cry out unexpectedly. Seeing this can be challenging. They may be soothed by playing their favourite music or by having you talk in a calm quiet way.
Skin
It is normal for skin to change towards the last days of life. It may feel cool or clammy when you touch it. The colour may become pale, appear blotchy or have a blue or yellow tinge. The healthcare team may wash your family member or friend while they are in bed, or turn them to avoid pressure injuries.
Breathing
It’s very common for breathing patterns to change at this time. Breathing may become loud and fast or there may be gaps of several seconds between each breath.
These changes may upset you, but it’s normal. It does not necessarily mean that your family member or friend is uncomfortable. Let the healthcare team know if you are concerned.
Incontinence and bowels
Most people lose the ability to control their bowels and bladder as they are dying. Their urine can become concentrated as their kidneys begin to shut down. The healthcare team may put a tube into their bladder to remove urine and keep your family member or friend clean and dry.
Your family member or friend may not have opened their bowels and may seem uncomfortable. Let the healthcare team know if you are concerned.
Senses
We know that people can hear and feel touch at the end of life. It’s okay to hold their hand, stroke their arm or tell them that you’ll miss them, love them and remember them.
Having memories of your family member or friend can help after they have died. You can ask the healthcare team for information about memory-making ideas such as thumbprints and taking locks of hair.
Taking care of yourself
Anticipating the loss of someone you love can be difficult. You may have feelings that are unfamiliar and distressing. It can help to talk about these feelings.
The healthcare team can arrange for you to talk to:
- a social worker
- an Aboriginal liaison officer
- a spiritual carer.
They can also help with practical needs such as funeral arrangements or cultural support.
Read next
The full booklet ‘Comfort care in the last days’ includes more detail on practical arrangements, memory-making and support after death.
To request a print copy, email endoflifecare@act.gov.au.